What am I really supposed to accomplish? Who am I really supposed to reach? Or am I supposed to reach anyone?
The last month has been.... shall we say, challenging....
Lots of positives, some negatives. Encouraging moments, along with some discouraging.
I recently spoke with a friend about listening to the Holy Spirit.
We talked about how we believe that God speaks to us, but sometimes, we are too busy arguing with Him and with ourselves to truly be able to hear Him.
Or, He speaks to us in an abnormal way or a way that we weren't expecting. And once again, we are too caught up listening to our own voice, that we forget to listen to His.
My adopted uncle, Steve, had a birthday last week.
I called him and in jest said, "You know, I can't be sure, but a little birdie told me that someone has a birthday today. And for the life of me I cannot remember who that is. You wouldn't happen to know would you?"
His reply, "Nope."
We made small talk. He asked about work. I asked about him shoulder. That is until he had to order his peppermint mocha - Grande, Two Shot, Sugar Free.
He said he would call me back because he needed to pay.
While I waited for him, I turned to walk back inside my apartment. I stopped dead in my tracks, because the most beautiful robin I had ever seen was standing in the way, on the side walk to my front door. His head was tilted, and he was staring at me. Almost like he was trying to figure me out. Or trying to tell me something. When out of nowhere, he started singing. It was mesmerizing.
As I took in his beauty, I also tried taking a picture, but my camera was being stupid... aka - Jesus didn't want me trying to take a picture, He wanted me to enjoy the bird:)
So I stood there. I even walked closer, but he still just stood there and looked at me. And sang.
My phone rang and it was Uncle Steve calling me back. Still, the bird still just stood there, singing.
It was one of the most beautiful moments I have had in along time...
As I told Steve about it, he said, "Well isn't that lovely that the Lord let you have that. Because robins are pretty and happy and joyful."
And it hit me....hit me again, and hit me hard.
The Love Project so far, has been all about Jesus showing me how much HE loves me.
His speaking to me in mysterious and beautiful ways.
The reminder that HE is my ever present help in times of trouble.
That HE will never leave me nor forsake me.
The fact that HE is a friend who sticks closer than family.
And lastly, that LOVE is the first and greatest of all His commands.
We focus a lot of energy on showing love to other people. On showing love to Christ through our works and generosity. Neither of those things are bad. It's just that sometimes we (more specifically I) forget to let Him shower love down on us. Or we forget to acknowledge His love when it comes, because we don't see it.
It's almost as if we think we are undeserving of His love and His blessings. We think that if we don't do a lot of really positive and generous things, that we haven't really earned His love. We become consumed with our tasks and forget to absorb His goodness and light.
The truth is, we don't deserve His love. The other truth is that love is not about a scorecard. Love is not a game. Love is a command. Plain and simple. A command and also, a gift. A gift the Father wants to shower down on us in buckets. We just need to listen more and talk less. Pay attention to the small, unique and creative ways He shows love to us.
Because He loves us. A lot. At least that's what a little birdie told me.