Simplicity is hard.
And that's incredible annoying to realize.
At least, it's hard for me.
Gosh, I started out with such fervor and zeal, and I pridefully thought I could just coast through a year of simplicity.
I don't think my pride was out of arrogance, but nonetheless, it was pride. And it was mine. And I own it.
I guess I thought that cutting back on my spending would be easy. Because I thought I didn't spend a lot to begin with.
Oh Mint.com, how quickly you make a liar out of me.
I thought I could get off my dang phone. Get off BuzzFeed and stop mindlessly scrolling Facebook.
My three year self with her security blanket is laughing at my 28 year old self and her cellphone.
Why? Cause the blanket and the phone are the same thing....
Stuff. In this area, I have been okay.
But lately? I have been feeling suffocated by anything that doesn't have a specific place and function in my daily life.
Not sure that's a reason to get rid of everything I own, but it definitely occupies a lot of head space.
Like, I know I need to keep my fire extinguisher, but it just keeps sitting there, collecting dust. And like a crazy mania, I keeping eyeing it and thinking about how much cleaner that corner will look without anything in it.
Really I am just a crazy nut who wants to throw everything away and will then have instant remorse and get on her phone and use the Amazon app to replace everything she just threw away.
See my problem?!? #thestruggleisreal
But about a week ago, I was talking with my friend and coworker, Kyle, about simplicity. He asked me to speak about it at Serve Seattle in December, so I was asking if he had anything specific he wanted to me to touch on.
He said something that I haven't been able to get out of my head. He said, "Well, you're probably going to have to explain the concept of simplicity, because most people won't know really what you mean. And, you know, talk about what Jesus says about simplicity. Stuff like that."
I have been doing "simplicity" for almost nine months, but I haven't stopped to think about what Jesus says about the subject...
So maybe, just maybe, that is why I have been having such a hard time with it lately.
I have been trying to do it in my own strength. And I am completely overwhelmed and slightly embarrassed by that fact.
I'm trying to be simple in my daily life, but there are all these little empty pockets that I keep filling with technology, spending and things.
Instead of letting Jesus come in and fill those areas of void in my life.
And there are areas of void. Because I am human and so very far from perfect.
No matter how many times I try and tell myself I have it all together.
After my chat with Kyle, I started to wonder what it would look like to spend the rest of this year focusing more on Jesus and less on the three areas I have been focusing on.
No, I won't be stopping simplicity. But, I am super curious what bringing it all back to the foot of His throne would do.
I am curious if my spending would shift if I spent my mornings in prayer instead of running out the door and buying latte on my way in to work.
I wonder if I would be on my phone less if I was journaling or reading the Word at night instead of falling asleep while scrolling Instagram.
I also tend to think that if I spend more time worshipping the One who has given me so much, I will see the value and abundance in what is around me. And I will be less inclined to fill my life with things.
A few nights ago, I had a little worship session with myself. Oh, and my Facebook friends, because I put in on Live.
And it was this truly powerful moment. Instead of overthinking every word like I am doing right now, I just talked. And sang. And tried to be as authentic as I could be.
I went to bed and didn't really think much about it.
But the next day I got the sweetest message from my friend Emily. Oh, did I mention she does INCREDIBLE graphics work? And that she made me something AMAZING after watching my video??
Well, she did, and it's awesome, and I love it.
But what I love most is this....
I have a fantastic community of people and friends who love Jesus and love me.
Sometimes, in the hustle of life, I forget that I have such immediate access to the most loving people in the world. I forget and instead, buy stuff. Or eat out. Or hang out on my phone.
I forget how blessed I am. But when Emily made this beautiful graphic for me, I was reminded once again why I quite simply, adore the body of Christ.
I see so much of Him in the people I have in my corner.
And when I focus on them, and on Him, I find myself less likely to fill my time and space with other things.
So, the tender voice of Jesus is calling me to Him. And I truly think I will find the answers I seek about simplicity there at His feet.
Until next time...