simplicity 2016: shuttle express

Simplicity has felt really hard lately.

I mean, I developed what I thought was a really good rhythm, but.... Gosh I'm feeling inadequate as a result. 

I want to throw away and hoard everything at the same time. 

I don't want to manage my stuff, but I want to at the same time.

It's also 4:30 on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to head to the airport. 

Which is great. Because vacation. But could also explain my dejected mood.

As I was packing last night, I struggled to fit everything in my bag and for the first time in YEARS I considered checking my bag.

What the heck.... I have always and will continue to refuse to pay that ridiculous fee.

Then I realize my bag is soo full because I packed my new camera.

I want to play around with it and figure a sunny beach is a perfect place to do so. 

But then I start wondering if that's a good idea and is it really simplifying to bring it of it takes up so much space...Etc, etc, etc

Oh, and then the awkward moment of the day --- 

Shuttle Express was scheduled to pick me up. But, they didn't call me. 

They KNOCKED on the front door. 

Not my front door. 

My landlords front door. 

At 4:30 in the morning. 

They called me. 

I'm almost positive they were PISSED, lol

Which really doesn't bother me (well, maybe a little) because of all the times they've woken me up.

They are super loud....

Anyway... I'll call later and apologize.

Still, kinda funny...

Honestly, it probably wouldn't have happened that way if I had arranged my ride earlier. 

Which I didn't. 

Because I'm apparently very unorganized.

Oh, and this shuttle smells like cigarettes 

I think it's from the lady riding with me. She kinda smells like my Gramma Betty.

Oh, and she looks a thousand times more put together than I do!

And since I'm creeping on the drivers iPad (cause I still don't believe him about the no call), I can see SHE was picked up at 3:50. 

AM. As in the morning.....

And she is wearing earrings. 

And her hair is done. 

What is my life that I even try...

Oh, and she's wearing something with a collar- so you know she ironed it. 

This girl? Doesn't iron. Ever.

I throw it in the dryer and call it good enough.

Even though I own an iron and ironing board.

Because I'm a grown ass woman and somewhere along the way I figured I should have one. 

Truthfully, it's actually a really good thing that I'm going to dive headfirst into the rest of Shauna's book.

Because at this exact moment - 447am - I feel like an utter failure at life.

And you want to know why???

There is trash under my sink, food that will go bad in my fridge, a floor that needs to be swept and a dishwasher that I didn't start before I left the house. 

Oh, and I woke my landlords up at 430. 

Well the shuttle express guy did, but you know what I mean.

So even though I made my bed before I left, all I can see is the undone. 

The incomplete. 

The to do list that wasn't finished.

And, even though I did some of that intentionally, I still don't like it. 

It makes me uncomfortable. 

And I know I should sit with that for a bit.

Or at least my two hour flight to LA.

But first, coffee.

And then I'll sit.

#simplicity2016

simplicity 2016: one to two at a time

Last week I went to a conference.

Well, really it was a satellite site for a conference. 

Honestly, it really doesn't matter where it was or what the set up was. 

What really matters it what the take aways were for me. 

And how they are still running through my brain at a thousand miles a minute.

My thoughts in a nutshell (because #simplicity) are as follows:

1) stop trying to be perfect. be present

2) one goal at a time. maybe two. done well is more effective than four-six goals not done at all.

3) reflection is important

4) stay put (well, that one wasn't something I got from the conference, but it's what I said to myself several times over those two days. because I needed the reminder).

Shauna Niequest wrote this new book called Present Over Perfect and quite frankly, it's rocking my world. If you know me at all, you know that I like things neat, organized, orderly and predictable. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say it is my personal code to be that way. And last year, when I was focused on my theme of #dolife, I tried to reign that side in a little. But this year, it's escaping me a tad. 

And then I read this phrase in Shauna's book, "Who told me that keeping everything organized would deliver happiness? What a weird prescription for happiness. Why do I think managing my possessions is a meaningful way of spending my time?"

I felt punched in the gut. Totally breathless as I processed this idea that maybe, just maybe, being so on top of things wasn't what God was calling me to do. I mean, I don't think being organized is bad. But if I am using it to define my identity, then we have a serious issue.

And quite possibly, He is calling me into creativity instead of structure. Imagination instead of absolutes. Daydreams instead of spreadsheets.

***

Then there is this idea of one goal at a time. I am absolutely terrible at this. I have seventeen thousand ideas in my head and I think I have to do all of them. No, I truly and deeply believe in the depths of my soul that I have to do them. All of them. One hundred and ten percent. Or else I am a failure at life.

So... I'm going to give this one goal thing a shot. And it feels so weird.

I have a full time job - my goal is to be intentional with my time

I have a business - my goal is my Instagram account and making it as pretty as can be. 

I have a life (at least I tell myself I do) - and I'm not sure what my personal goal is

Technically you could say I have three goals. But for someone who usually has a hundred sub-goals, one in each category feels really healthy. I'll let you know how it goes.

***

Reflection - specifically self reflection is super healthy. 

And I would say that I do a fair amount of it. 

But what I don't do is meditate on it after. 

I just self assess and move on. 

Not really sitting with how I'm doing.

Yoga and meditation are actually super healing practices for me. Maybe that's my personal goal. To do more of that.

***

Ah, staying put. This one I am excited about. Like really really excited.

Remember when I said I was going to have to move?

Well, I don't have to move. And that's pretty rad. Because I love my home.

And in total honesty? I didn't trust or obey super well in this process. But Jesus really loves me and has great patience and grace with me.

It's a cool story for another day and another post. I just really wanted to share that with you guys.

***

I have a strange feeling that the next four months of 2016 are going to blow my mind. And I don't really know what that means, but I am excited for it.

“The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.” 

― Steve Maraboli