Simplicity has felt really hard lately.
I mean, I developed what I thought was a really good rhythm, but.... Gosh I'm feeling inadequate as a result.
I want to throw away and hoard everything at the same time.
I don't want to manage my stuff, but I want to at the same time.
It's also 4:30 on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to head to the airport.
Which is great. Because vacation. But could also explain my dejected mood.
As I was packing last night, I struggled to fit everything in my bag and for the first time in YEARS I considered checking my bag.
What the heck.... I have always and will continue to refuse to pay that ridiculous fee.
Then I realize my bag is soo full because I packed my new camera.
I want to play around with it and figure a sunny beach is a perfect place to do so.
But then I start wondering if that's a good idea and is it really simplifying to bring it of it takes up so much space...Etc, etc, etc
Oh, and then the awkward moment of the day ---
Shuttle Express was scheduled to pick me up. But, they didn't call me.
They KNOCKED on the front door.
Not my front door.
My landlords front door.
At 4:30 in the morning.
They called me.
I'm almost positive they were PISSED, lol
Which really doesn't bother me (well, maybe a little) because of all the times they've woken me up.
They are super loud....
Anyway... I'll call later and apologize.
Still, kinda funny...
Honestly, it probably wouldn't have happened that way if I had arranged my ride earlier.
Which I didn't.
Because I'm apparently very unorganized.
Oh, and this shuttle smells like cigarettes
I think it's from the lady riding with me. She kinda smells like my Gramma Betty.
Oh, and she looks a thousand times more put together than I do!
And since I'm creeping on the drivers iPad (cause I still don't believe him about the no call), I can see SHE was picked up at 3:50.
AM. As in the morning.....
And she is wearing earrings.
And her hair is done.
What is my life that I even try...
Oh, and she's wearing something with a collar- so you know she ironed it.
This girl? Doesn't iron. Ever.
I throw it in the dryer and call it good enough.
Even though I own an iron and ironing board.
Because I'm a grown ass woman and somewhere along the way I figured I should have one.
Truthfully, it's actually a really good thing that I'm going to dive headfirst into the rest of Shauna's book.
Because at this exact moment - 447am - I feel like an utter failure at life.
And you want to know why???
There is trash under my sink, food that will go bad in my fridge, a floor that needs to be swept and a dishwasher that I didn't start before I left the house.
Oh, and I woke my landlords up at 430.
Well the shuttle express guy did, but you know what I mean.
So even though I made my bed before I left, all I can see is the undone.
The to do list that wasn't finished.
And, even though I did some of that intentionally, I still don't like it.
It makes me uncomfortable.
And I know I should sit with that for a bit.
Or at least my two hour flight to LA.
But first, coffee.
And then I'll sit.