The Love Project: It Spoke To Me First

I cried on the train yesterday.

Nothing dramatic. Nothing loud.

Just tears filling my eyelids. Looking to creep slowly down my cheek.

I was just sitting there, drinking my grande vanilla soy latte. Grooving to some southern gospel (because it was that kind of morning), when we made a stop along the tracks. People got off, but, right before we took off again, a man jumped on the train, barely making it.

By appearance, he looked average. 5’ 8”, stocky build, middle aged, neatly trimmed salt and pepper mustache with hints of blonde. He and his wife were DECKED out in their Seahawks gear. I am going to assume they were football fans. However, what caught my attention wasn’t how he fit a certain demographic. Or the fact he most assuredly liked football. It was his smile.

This impish, doing things by the seat of your pants smile. This “instant, connect with strangers” smile. This “no person is ever a stranger” smile.

When I saw that, I cried.

I cried because, well, his smile reminded me of my dad.

And I miss my dad.

For those of you who know, my dad passed away unexpectedly when I was 14 years old. I lost my prince charming, my knight in shining armor, my best friend and personal comedian – all in one day.

Most days aren’t so bad. I am doing what he would have wanted. I am living. But, every once in awhile, a moment will sneak up on me. A moment I wasn’t expecting. A moment like this.

It’s crazy how the smile of a random stranger could illicit such a deep, powerful and intense emotional response. In the brief moment that man smiled at me, I was flooded with so many memories. So many feelings. So many thoughts.

Thoughts like this….

I miss the way he would smile at and be nice to everyone… at least to their face.

I grieve knowing he would think I was absolutely hilarious – and if he didn’t…. I would know.

I miss making music with him. Learning new songs and trying to convince him that the Backstreet Boys is actually decent music. (Never was able to convince him of that. I mean, when the man grew up with the Beatles and the Beach Boys, can you blame him?)

I mourn the knowledge that he missed out on some pretty memorable moments in my life, and the knowledge that this reality will continue.

In continuing with my vein of transparency, Sometimes I am super jealous of girls who still have their dads… like green with envy jealous. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. And even though I trust completely in God’s perfect plan, sometimes I feel a little robbed.

Last, I have a bittersweet feeling about The Love Project. Because, I know if my dad were here, he would be behind it 110%. He would be throwing ideas my way. He would be ride along beside me, helping to make it happen. He was my biggest fan, and my biggest developer.

Maybe I realized, when this fatherly gentleman smiled at me that that was what was so compelling about my father.

Being supportive wasn’t just a quality he reserved for his family. Everybody felt it. He had this way about him. This smile that lit up a room. A personality that drew you in. Even if he didn't know you, you loved him. You felt like he believed in you.

As, the tears welled in my eyes, I realized my dad lived out the project I am pursuing... every single day.

He knew everyone was having a hurt, a struggle. They were feeling pain, or discouraged. And maybe all it would take was a smile. Something he was able to, and did give, quite freely. And that’s what The Love Project is all about.

I was given a beautiful gift in the form of Greg Alm - I was given an inspiring example to look to

Love Project 2014? Yeah, already got started by a pretty amazing guy over 12 years ago... I’m just trying to carry the torch. We don’t know how our smile can change someone’s day. We don’t know that being patient in line at the grocery store will put the person in front of you at ease. We just don’t know. But we can love. Jesus did it. We can do it. Every single day.

Thanks dad... I miss you every day and ache that we can't have adventures together, but thank you for the ones we had. Thank you for just being you. Because you was awesome.

#theloveproject2014