Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Love Project: False Perfection


I sit back from the water and it looks perfect. However, as I come closer, and begin to see the imperfections beneath the water's surface, I begin to wish I had continued to stay back in my delusion. My delusion of perfection.

Recently, I attended a session at a local church conference. I really wasn't planning on going, but someone had asked me to go with them, so I agreed.  About an hour before I left for the conference, I was struck with a deep sense of panic.

I take the bus to work every day. So I dress practically for the wet, wintry weather. Meaning I wear tights. I wear boots. And yes, I wear pants. And yes, I was wearing pants that day.

Now, I’m not going to fight about this. I realize a lot of people have personal opinions regarding women wearing pants. That is fine, and to each his own. I choose to wear them, and feel no less close to God when I wear them, than when I wear a skirt. So if anyone gets ugly, I will kindly and with Christian love ask you if you wear pants to bed.

This sense of panic continued to creep in and I began to feel very self conscious. Some would say I was being silly. Some that I was "under conviction." Then again, some wouldn't even register my wearing pants was an issue. And really, it isn't, nor should it be.

Why then, would I have so much anxiety if I wasn't doing something wrong?  At the beginning of the service, I could not have given you an answer. By the middle of the service, I was more clear; and by the time I laid my head on my pillow that night, it was completely clear.

I threw myself into a state of inner anxiety because I was worried about the response to my pants. Not the pants themselves.

Why was it the response to my apparel I feared? I wasn’t immodest. I was dressed like a lady. I wasn’t drawing unnecessary attention to myself. So then why did I instinctively respond with such a high level of discomfort?

Unfortunately, there has been an unhealthy and harmful mindset set before our young people and new Christians. I don’t know if it was intentional, however, it still exists. The prominent unspoken theme is that your depth of your spirituality and the level of your worth as a Christian is wrapped up in how well you conform to the preferences, rules and guidelines set before you. If you conform to every detail and every preference, then you must be very spiritual and close to God. If you don’t… well, then we will just pray for you, while we continue to hold you at arms length.

Is every community of believers this way? No, absolutely not. But I have seen it, and experienced it.
Jesus doesn’t operate like that folks. Now, don’t get me wrong, life is not a free for all just because we have forgiveness and grace. There are commands from God we need to follow in order to live a more holy and committed life for Him. But, women not wearing pants and guys not having a comb over are not two of those commands.

We tend to make up rules to make ourselves feel more comfortable. We fit ourselves into a mold that is unrealistic and fake. Oh, and if you think the world doesn’t see it? Think again. They see it. They call it like it is. And then they want nothing to do with Jesus or us.

This revelation got me thinking. If I, as a steadfast believer in and follower of Jesus am afraid of the response from my peers and if they are going to doubt my commitment to Christ, then how in the world does everyone else feel when they visit our churches? Get together with us for coffee, or do life with us?

If they are afraid we are going to hold them at arm’s length because of their piercings, then do you think they are going to come to us when they have deep sin in their life? Or when they do something stupid? Or want to know about Jesus?  Or are hurting? Yeah, not likely they are going to come to us. In fact, they probably aren’t going to come to us – ever.

You see, in our efforts to “be holy and separate”, we have created an environment where no one can talk about their struggles, their sin or their shame.

We have created an environment, where yes, sin is named, but also, things that are not sinful are named as such.

We twist and manipulate Scripture to back what makes us comfortable, instead of being honest when asked a question - and saying, "I don't know". Or, we just quote what we have heard our entire lives, instead of seeking the truth for ourselves.

People want to ask questions. People want answers. People want to learn and grow.

People want to feel safe. People want to feel loved. People want to feel accepted.

But, let’s say someone gathers the courage to ask a question. Too often they are shut down because the other person else feels uncomfortable. Or doesn’t have the answer. Then, the person who asked the question feels even more shame. They feel even more alone. And they have no one with whom to share their pain. (And don't say, "well, they have Jesus." We all have Jesus, and this is about us not being like Him)

We stand behind the pulpits and preach about how Jesus saved us from our sin. Yet, we somehow forget we still sin. As if somehow, being mean to your friend is an acceptable sin, whereas selling drugs is not. Sorry. It’s all the same.

We boldly say we are not perfect, yet we don't want to talk about those imperfections. Or the things that are unpleasant. Or the things that hurt.

We only want to talk about the things that make us, oh sorry - I mean God, look good.

We want to cloak ourselves in this veil of false perfection. We only want to talk about who we visited in the nursing home. Or how many doors we knocked on and how many times we were able to share the gospel with those "lost souls".

We don't want to hear about the person who is struggling with a pornography addition. The person who is struggling with their sexuality. The person who just has the ugliest attitude in their heart, EVER, and needs to be called on it. Because yes, a bad attitude is still a sin

We don’t want to talk about it, because it makes us uncomfortable. It means we have to come to terms with the fact we fall short of perfection every single day. But why talk about it? Why talk when it is so much easier to put on our churchy costume and parade around like we no longer sin.

We talk about it, because it brings healing. It brings forgiveness. It brings liberty. It bring accountability. It brings change.

Yet if we continue to hide it, that is a dangerous space to be in spiritually. And a dangerous way to tell others they should be. Whether it is a verbal instruction or just understood.

We are a family. We are a community. It's time we started acting like it. Instead of acting like co-workers and strangers, let’s act like the fellowship of believers we are. Our fake perfection needs to fall away.

We need to be real and be honest. If Paul can admit that he was the chief among sinners, then we can be real with our struggles. Because I don’t care how many pairs of culottes you own, or how well you tie your necktie. Those things are the least important things to the Lord.

He wants your heart. He wants you. And He wants you to shower love on other people. People need love. Not shame.

We can do better. We know to do better. We should do better.

#theloveproject2014


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