simplicity 2016: shuttle express

Simplicity has felt really hard lately.

I mean, I developed what I thought was a really good rhythm, but.... Gosh I'm feeling inadequate as a result. 

I want to throw away and hoard everything at the same time. 

I don't want to manage my stuff, but I want to at the same time.

It's also 4:30 on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to head to the airport. 

Which is great. Because vacation. But could also explain my dejected mood.

As I was packing last night, I struggled to fit everything in my bag and for the first time in YEARS I considered checking my bag.

What the heck.... I have always and will continue to refuse to pay that ridiculous fee.

Then I realize my bag is soo full because I packed my new camera.

I want to play around with it and figure a sunny beach is a perfect place to do so. 

But then I start wondering if that's a good idea and is it really simplifying to bring it of it takes up so much space...Etc, etc, etc

Oh, and then the awkward moment of the day --- 

Shuttle Express was scheduled to pick me up. But, they didn't call me. 

They KNOCKED on the front door. 

Not my front door. 

My landlords front door. 

At 4:30 in the morning. 

They called me. 

I'm almost positive they were PISSED, lol

Which really doesn't bother me (well, maybe a little) because of all the times they've woken me up.

They are super loud....

Anyway... I'll call later and apologize.

Still, kinda funny...

Honestly, it probably wouldn't have happened that way if I had arranged my ride earlier. 

Which I didn't. 

Because I'm apparently very unorganized.

Oh, and this shuttle smells like cigarettes 

I think it's from the lady riding with me. She kinda smells like my Gramma Betty.

Oh, and she looks a thousand times more put together than I do!

And since I'm creeping on the drivers iPad (cause I still don't believe him about the no call), I can see SHE was picked up at 3:50. 

AM. As in the morning.....

And she is wearing earrings. 

And her hair is done. 

What is my life that I even try...

Oh, and she's wearing something with a collar- so you know she ironed it. 

This girl? Doesn't iron. Ever.

I throw it in the dryer and call it good enough.

Even though I own an iron and ironing board.

Because I'm a grown ass woman and somewhere along the way I figured I should have one. 

Truthfully, it's actually a really good thing that I'm going to dive headfirst into the rest of Shauna's book.

Because at this exact moment - 447am - I feel like an utter failure at life.

And you want to know why???

There is trash under my sink, food that will go bad in my fridge, a floor that needs to be swept and a dishwasher that I didn't start before I left the house. 

Oh, and I woke my landlords up at 430. 

Well the shuttle express guy did, but you know what I mean.

So even though I made my bed before I left, all I can see is the undone. 

The incomplete. 

The to do list that wasn't finished.

And, even though I did some of that intentionally, I still don't like it. 

It makes me uncomfortable. 

And I know I should sit with that for a bit.

Or at least my two hour flight to LA.

But first, coffee.

And then I'll sit.

#simplicity2016

simplicity 2016: one to two at a time

Last week I went to a conference.

Well, really it was a satellite site for a conference. 

Honestly, it really doesn't matter where it was or what the set up was. 

What really matters it what the take aways were for me. 

And how they are still running through my brain at a thousand miles a minute.

My thoughts in a nutshell (because #simplicity) are as follows:

1) stop trying to be perfect. be present

2) one goal at a time. maybe two. done well is more effective than four-six goals not done at all.

3) reflection is important

4) stay put (well, that one wasn't something I got from the conference, but it's what I said to myself several times over those two days. because I needed the reminder).

Shauna Niequest wrote this new book called Present Over Perfect and quite frankly, it's rocking my world. If you know me at all, you know that I like things neat, organized, orderly and predictable. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say it is my personal code to be that way. And last year, when I was focused on my theme of #dolife, I tried to reign that side in a little. But this year, it's escaping me a tad. 

And then I read this phrase in Shauna's book, "Who told me that keeping everything organized would deliver happiness? What a weird prescription for happiness. Why do I think managing my possessions is a meaningful way of spending my time?"

I felt punched in the gut. Totally breathless as I processed this idea that maybe, just maybe, being so on top of things wasn't what God was calling me to do. I mean, I don't think being organized is bad. But if I am using it to define my identity, then we have a serious issue.

And quite possibly, He is calling me into creativity instead of structure. Imagination instead of absolutes. Daydreams instead of spreadsheets.

***

Then there is this idea of one goal at a time. I am absolutely terrible at this. I have seventeen thousand ideas in my head and I think I have to do all of them. No, I truly and deeply believe in the depths of my soul that I have to do them. All of them. One hundred and ten percent. Or else I am a failure at life.

So... I'm going to give this one goal thing a shot. And it feels so weird.

I have a full time job - my goal is to be intentional with my time

I have a business - my goal is my Instagram account and making it as pretty as can be. 

I have a life (at least I tell myself I do) - and I'm not sure what my personal goal is

Technically you could say I have three goals. But for someone who usually has a hundred sub-goals, one in each category feels really healthy. I'll let you know how it goes.

***

Reflection - specifically self reflection is super healthy. 

And I would say that I do a fair amount of it. 

But what I don't do is meditate on it after. 

I just self assess and move on. 

Not really sitting with how I'm doing.

Yoga and meditation are actually super healing practices for me. Maybe that's my personal goal. To do more of that.

***

Ah, staying put. This one I am excited about. Like really really excited.

Remember when I said I was going to have to move?

Well, I don't have to move. And that's pretty rad. Because I love my home.

And in total honesty? I didn't trust or obey super well in this process. But Jesus really loves me and has great patience and grace with me.

It's a cool story for another day and another post. I just really wanted to share that with you guys.

***

I have a strange feeling that the next four months of 2016 are going to blow my mind. And I don't really know what that means, but I am excited for it.

“The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.” 

― Steve Maraboli

simplicity 2016: feeling my privilege

Tonight I went to a prayer vigil for Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.

If you don't know who they are, educate yourself, immediately.

No excuses. No reasons why it doesn't affect you. It does affect you. So learn and be humble.

Tonight, I stood in a crowd of over a thousand people. In the pouring rain. And I listened.

I listened to the passionate and gracious words of black leaders in our community who, rather than berate those who have wronged them, offered grace and a request for accountability and justice.

It was truly humbling.

Because, as a white, middle class, evangelical (with a dash of liberality) Christian woman, I have heard people complain about persecution my whole life. Specifically surrounding faith.

Now, I am not ignorant, and I can read a history book. But in America today, my personal opinion is that Christians are the least persecuted people group in this nation.

And I might lose a couple of you over this, but I have never been persecuted for my faith. Ever.

Made fun of? Maybe once or twice. But not really.

In all honesty, I have received far more negative aggression for being a woman than I have for being a Christian.

But even that isn't what I would call persecution.

What happened in orlando? What happened this week with Alton Sterling and Philando Castro? What has happened within the black community over the last several years?

That's persecution. whether you want to admit it or not.

And tonight, I looked around and felt the depth of my privilege.

And it was acutely uncomfortable.

And it wasn't just feeling the privilege that comes with the color of my skin.

I was intensely feeling the privilege of how I was raised.

You see, growing up, my dad was the police.

And to me, he  and his friends were the safest people in the whole wide world.

He taught me that everyone is equal. He told me that certain words were never to be spoken because of how disrespectful, hurtful and defensive they were to other people.

Once, I stupidly made fun of a friend's doo-rag, and he had me call up my friend and apologize. He told me "that's his culture and there is nothing wrong with it. So you shouldn't make fun. That's hurtful and not right."

I had friends of all different nationalities and backgrounds and never really thought anything about it; in large part because my dad never treated anyone any different and taught me to do the same.

But standing there in the pouring rain and realizing that to most of the people gathered there, my dad would've been the enemy, my heart broke.

Like I mentioned before, I felt my privilege and it was making me uncomfortable. And I think that was good.

Because, I felt my privilege when the man standing next to me seemed surprised that I took his hand when we prayed.

I felt it when I looked around at the police officers across the street and felt kinship instead of fear. Knowing I could approach them with total guile and trust, while also knowing I was probably one of the few who felt that way.

I felt it when I shook the speaker's hand and he thanked me profusely for coming - like it was a surprise I was there. It shouldn't have been so, but it was.

I wrestled all the way home with the amount of grief I was feeling.

Feeling like it wasn't my sorrow to grieve over; and yet, at the same time, feeling like it is worth grieving over, and that I should have a reaction.

And I do. Several actually...

I'm pissed. And sad. And confused. Puzzled even.

I'm pissed. Pissed that shitty cops give the wonderful men and women in law enforcement a bad name. It seriously enrages me. Because those very men and women who are wonderful humans, stood next to me and loved me when my dad died. And they still love me to this day.  So those cops in Louisiana and Minnesota who are not fit to wear their uniforms? Yeah, they piss me off and make me all kinds of angry.

I'm sad. So incredibly sad that a 15 year old boy is now without a father. Hearing the son of Alton Sterling weep on the radio this afternoon took me back hard. I was almost 15 when my dad died. And while the circumstances are in no way comparable, it is still the deepest of griefs. And I feel for him. So intensely. I can only imagine that his grief and sorrow is deeper because his father's murder could've been avoided.

I'm confused. So fricking confused why it is so hard to get justice for people who have already fought so hard for it. And we in our privilege would say that they have it. But really, we would just be talking out our asses because oppression is still a daily part of the life of a person of color. And that's something we don't know anything about. So we should keep our opinions to a minimum.

I'm puzzled. Puzzled why so many people will post all over Facebook about the Supreme Court decision to legalize marriage for all people and how "appalled" we are about it, but when an entire people group are targeted in Orlando and black men are gunned down by dirty cops, the internet falls silent. At least the side of the internet I am seeing in my newsfeed...

Guys, we have to do better. We have to. It's not an option. Jesus says that we are to stand up for those who are oppressed and afflicted. But we aren't doing it. We are burying our heads in the sand and acting like it's not a big deal or that it doesn't affect us. But it does. Or at least it should.

Change starts with us. And it doesn't start by us using politically correct jargon or acting like we get it. It starts by acknowledging our privilege and accepting that it's our very privilege that gives us a platform on which to stand up for our friends.

"We already know that all lives matter, this movement is just about the fact that black lives matter too..."

#blacklivesmatter

simplicity 2016: "the more of less"

Last April I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the things I had going on in my life.

To be honest, I don't remember what they were, but I know I must've been super stressed because I purchased this book called "Simplify" by Joshua Becker. On Amazon. And read it in under two hours.

It was amazing.

So amazing in fact, that I wrote a review. And shared it on Facebook. And then my friend Jessica read it.

The book. Not the review. So that was cool.

And tonight, over a year later, I sat in a bookstore with 40-60 people and listened to this same guy (Joshua Becker) talk about his new book. And also talk about how this idea of minimalism and simplicity started in his own life.

(Wouldn't have known about it if it wasn't for my above mentioned pal Jessica. Shout out for her!)

Now, I'm not going to recap his entire story, but if you are interested, check out his books or his blog.

Both awesome resources.


Instead, I am just feeling the need to share what I got out of tonight. And if you are still reading this, thanks. Appreciate the companionship.

You see, I recently finished clearing my home of things that I know longer want/need/or that no longer serve me.

And I have been in utter awe since I finished that process almost a week and a half ago.

In awe of how much...LIGHTER I feel.

I mean, I know that literally I got rid of hundreds of pounds of stuff - which is embarrassing, but I physically feel lighter and I can't exactly explain it.

I feel like I have more energy, and I know I am definitely getting more things done. So that's a nice pay off.

But then tonight, Joshua mentioned that clutter in our home actually occupies space in our brains.

Because we are managing the clutter mentally, even if we aren't dealing with it physically.

Which makes total sense.

Because I am a planner and a manager. So if I plan all day at work and manage all day at work, only to come home and continue managing, then it's no wonder I am always so tired.

The amount of relief and emptiness I have been feeling has been more refreshing than I ever thought possible.

So with that part done, I guess I am on to the next thing?

I mean, I don't know what simplicity is going to hold for me the rest of the year, but I sure am thankful to have started it.

I think the reason I avoided it for so long was because having a little bit of clutter to manage became my protective shield.

If I was busy cleaning and tidying, then maybe someone won't yell at me. If I keep myself occupied with organizing stuff, someone can't manipulate or harm me.

But, I am not in danger anymore. I am safe.

I no longer need to hide behind the armor that is stuff.

I am secure in my less and in fact, I am safer because of it.

Tonight was an affirmation. One that I think I needed more than I realized.

An affirmation that I am doing what is healthy and good for me. And that it is what God has wholeheartedly called me into this year.

So friend? I am affirming you. Whatever you are doing for your healing and wellness, keep doing it.

If you need a cheerleader, I am standing here with my pom-poms.

You are doing great and don't forget that!

“Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.”

#simplicity2016

simplicity 2016: a cleansing rain

I have lived in the PNW for my entire life, minus four years of college in gross nasty desert California.

Because of this, I sometimes take for granted the cleansing power of the rain.

Think about it for a moment, don't you often find yourself taking for granted that which brings great value to your life?

Especially if it's something that happens often?

I know I do.

While I have always enjoyed the rain, I lately have found myself craving and basking in the glorious heat wave that has hit Seattle.

June has a tendency to be a little rainy, so this heat wave has been a pleasant surprise. At least for me.

But yesterday and this morning it was wet and cold and a little miserable.

Like, it was raining, but not really. It was light enough that you didn't need a jacket, but when you go to pump gas, giant drops of water hit you aggressively in the eye. #rude

Which is the most annoying kind of rain. And to be perfectly honestly, I was inwardly really salty about it.

Because I want to be outside and when it is rainy, I don't.

I know, first world problems.

I came home from some errands this morning, drank some coffee, ate mac and cheese (always a good choice) and fell asleep on the couch (it's been a long week, don't judge me for taking a nap at 11:30 in the morning).

I woke up to the sound of POURING rain outside my window.

And instead of being pissy about it (apparently the nap fixed that), I felt oddly calm and at peace.

I realized in that moment that rain has this incredible cleansing affect on not just the earth, but also on my soul.

When I was in southern California, it didn't rain very often.

And when it did, it stunk and just made a huge mess.

But here in Washington, while we do have floods and the rain can create problems, it more often than not gives the earth this sweet, clean smell of new beginnings.

It was probably because I am so tired, but I couldn't stop myself from crying a little.

I cried as I thought about my Serve Seattle family that just graduated and moved out today.

I teared up yet again as I thought about having to move. #stresscentral

And I teared up as I realized that Jesus created this simply, yet beautiful way of giving us a fresh start.

Maybe we mess up and do something stupid.

Maybe we are in over our heads and are not sure how to get out.

Perhaps we just have too much going on and need to simplify.

Regardless of the need, I am realized that the solution is often the same.

Rain.

Specifically a cleansing rain.

I think that's why the old hymn uses the analogy of all our sins being "washed away."

And maybe that's why God used a flood so long ago. To give the world a fresh start.

However, this afternoon, I am basking in the cleansing nature of this therapeutic rain as it compels me to slow down and breathe.

As it reminds me that tomorrow is a new day, and I have the opportunity to start fresh.

That no matter what I face, I serve a God who is in control and loves me enough to send a cleansing rain.

The cleansing stream I see, I see;
I plunge, and O it cleanseth me!
O praise the Lord it cleanseth me!
It cleanseth me, yes, cleanseth me.

#simplicity2016

simplicity 2016: hanging plants and baby birds

Back in April, I wrote a post about my long procrastinated project of planting a garden.

I planted some herbs, potted some lavender and hung a fuchsia basket that was supposed to have magnificent purple and dark pink blooms.

And has it ever blossomed! It's quite possibly my favorite part of my little garden.

And today, I discovered that it is also the favorite place of my two new neighbors.

The most adorable little birds I have ever seen!

Unfortunately, I think I scared a few months off their lives when I went to water my fuchsia this afternoon....

I turned on the hose, carried it over to the basket and started watering the plant.

Then, as soon as the water hit the soil, a tiny bird SHOT out of the basket and perched on the ledge underneath the upstairs desk.

He just sat there, puffing his chest and staring straight ahead, hoping I wouldn't see him.

I walked over to inspect the basket a little more closely, and he got extremely agitated and flew away, squawking vehemently at me.

When I peered inside, I realized why.

His woman was inside and I was invading their space.

I didn't see any eggs, but I am almost positive she is pregnant or the eggs are hidden. Otherwise she would have left the nest too.

I had to snap a photo, but tried to be super quiet and careful. Then I creeped away. Well, I had to shoo the crow away. He was being a douche and needed to leave.

If you are still reading, you know I am about to tie this to simplicity in some way, shape or form.

My thought might be a little jumbled, but here they are:

1) I am stressing out about moving, but these little babes know and expect to have a temporary home.

2) How am I going to protect these little babies when I move?!?

3) I strangely feel like I have my own little bird family and it's weirdly comforting?

4) I am totally naming them. Mr & Mrs Fitzwilliam and Geraldine Peabody

5) I really hope the babies come before I move. Otherwise I am leaving the plant here and just getting a new one. Because I am not going to be responsible for killing baby birds. Or making them homeless.

Those were the main thoughts.

The other main thought I had hit me when I walked inside and stopped annoying them.

I guess this is where simplicity ties in...

When I realized they were in there, everything stopped.

I mean everything felt like it stood completely still.

There was this beautiful moment when it hit me that new life was happening right under my nose.

Right by my front door, another story of life was taking place.

You see, life is busy.

At least where I live.

And I don't see it changing any time soon.

And amidst all the chaos and busyness, I often forget I have control over how crazy my life gets.

I can't control all of it, but I am realizing I have a lot more say in my schedule than I think I do.

My little neighbors reminded me of that important fact. They reminded me that life at its core is truly about the day to day.

Vision and long term goals are important; but, if we don't have time to stop to smell flowers and watch pretty birds, then we are too busy.

I know they won't stay forever, because they have other things to do; but, I really hope we stay for the same length of time.

Because they are cute and are keeping me company. And I am selfish and want to peek at baby birds!

They are also reminding me about practicing simplicity. So that helps too.

"a bird is safe in its nest - but that is not what its wings are made for..."

#simplicity2016

simplicity 2016: receipts

At the end of December, when the Lord gave me this theme of simplicity, He also gave me three specific areas in which He wanted me to cultivate it.

They were/are: finances, technology and stuff.

January was a solid month. I was on my phone less. I was watching my budget. And I told myself I would start purging through my things soon.

But I didn't.

You see, I am not a hoarder or someone who is messy.

I am organized and tidy. I try to live simply.

So, I didn't see the need to rush through purging and cleaning because I was already so organized.

(insert eye roll)

However, the Lord gently nudged me and said I would need to have the plurging done by June.

At this time it was March, so I knew I had better get started.

And I did.

Partially.

As in three boxes. One night when it was raining and all my friends were busy.

Because for all my order and love of structure, my house can sometimes be procrastination station, and I put off the things that I don't love doing.

Like dishes. Or laundry.

But last month, my landlords came to me and said they were going to be putting their house on the market and it would probably be sold by the end of the summer.

This was in May.

The Lord said by June.

Now it's making sense...

But moving....gross.

Not my most favorite pastime.

Sure, the new adventure will be fun, but right now I am in Whine Town.

Tears about not wanting the stress of moving.

Inward fits about the hassle of finding a new place to live.

Because, I live in Seattle.
And everyone and their mother wants to live here right now.
So that means that any and all available housing is expensive or unavailable.
Rude.

Also, ambiguity of any kind is super annoying to me. As well as being in limbo.

Which is how apartment hunting feels to me.

Some people love it, but it's just not really my thing.

I like my lists and my order and the consistency that it all brings to my life.

So needless to say, this moving thing had me feeling all out of whack....

And when I feel out of whack or have a problem I cannot solve, I clean.

And organize. Purge and throw all manner of things away.

Don't ask me why, but it helps. Every time.

So Wednesday night I cleaned. And binge watched "Rizzoli & Isles." And ate tater tots.

I only intended to go through one box of miscellaneous papers and then settle in for the evening.

Since I don't have that much stuff.... (imagine this said with sarcasm)

6 hours, yes.... 6 hours later, I sat down on my couch.

Pretty pleased with myself.

Also ashamed.

Why?

Well...

Once upon a time, I kept every receipt known to man because, identity theft is a thing.

And I was convinced that someone out there wanted to steal my identity.

It didn't matter that I had no credit history and made barely $1,000/month.

I thought the only responsible thing to do was shred all of them, therefore and forevermore removing the temptation for someone to steal my identity.

And maybe it would have been.

Except that I never actually made time for that.

I made time to put them all in a box to be shredded later.

But I never actually did it.

Well, there was that one time I took a bag to Office Depot and paid them $1/pound to shred it for me.

So that's something.

But all the rest were put in a box six years ago. Never to be heard from again until Wednesday evening.

In comes the shame....

At the end of the night I had two and a half bags of receipts, to do lists, old planners and car insurance paperwork for a car I haven't had in five years.

Disgusting.

Now that it's done, I feel tons better.

Moving feels a little less overwhelming, packing doesn't seem as stressful, and I feel like a total boss for all the work I got done.

Still ashamed of the clutter, but proud nonetheless.

It's almost the middle of June, I only have a few more spaces to clean in my apartment and I am waiting to hear back from a few housing opportunities.

Things are feeling manageable.

All because of this practice of simplicity.

This year is teaching me that simplicity isn't necessarily about having less stuff. Or even in doing fewer things. Although I think those are definitely parts of it.

I'm realizing simplicity for me is about uncomplicating my life.

Boxes of receipts are complicated.
Unused decorative pillows are complicated.
A digital camera I haven't used in eight years is complicated.
Not being able to get into my hall closet because of boxes is complicated.

So in getting rid of/gifting/shredding/throwing away stuff, I am clearing space (both figuratively and literally) for anything the Lord wants to bring into my life.

And that's more important than any of those old receipts.

#simplicity2016