I have always struggled with sitting still.
On a plane. The bus. At home. At church....
When I was six years old, I particularly fidgety during a midweek church service. And my mother had had enough of my squirmy ways.
Turning towards me, she said in the most terrifying voice you have ever heard, "If you move one more time, you are going to get it when we get home."
For the next hour, I barely breathed. IT was not something I wanted to experience if I could help it. So I forced myself to sit like a statue.
Also, my nose has never been so itchy. But alas, I could not scratch. Because if there is one thing I know about my mother, it is that she means what she says. Scratch or no scratch.
It was in that moment that I realized sitting still was not something I can accomplish unless I am SCARED TO DEATH.
So yesterday - I got up, went to church, came home, made lunch, made soup for the week, put ALL my laundry away, got ready for work on Monday and read a book - all before 4:30pm.
It's amazing how much you can get done when you aren't Facebooking everything and/or binge watching Netflix.
And while I loved getting so much done and feeling so accomplished, I also felt bored.
Which is weird, because I have so many things I can do to entertain myself.
I have two pianos for crying out loud. This should not be so difficult.
But there I was, cuddled in my favorite chair with a book I have been dying to read, but I was still so antsy.
However, instead of turning on my TV or picking up my phone, I forced myself to feel the discomfort.
I made myself sit there. It was excruciating. I could almost feel my leg hair growing...
It was good though. The sitting there. Not the hair. That's bad.
I realized in those uncomfortable moments that I am and always have been afraid of missing out on something. What? I have no idea. I just am afraid I will miss it.
And for years, my solution has been to keep myself moving and to keep myself going so I won't miss any of the potential action.
But yesterday, I had an epiphany.
I have forgotten what it is like to sit in the quiet and just be.
I live in a world where I can fall asleep with my cellphone in my hand, constantly being entertained from the moment I go to sleep until the moment I wake up.
As long as my phone is charged, my house has power and my car stereo works, I never have to be bored.
But, that's the problem. I have forgotten how to be bored.
I have forgotten how to just sit and let my imagination run wild. I have become too structured in my distractions.
Simplicity? You are uncomfortable.
But because you are uncomfortable, I have food prepared for the week, I have started reading a delightful book, and I got over eight hours of sleep last night.
Not a bad start to the year. Hopefully the momentum holds, lol.